10 Reasons Why the Creative Team Behind Green Lantern Should Never Work Again

Ryan Reynolds as Hal Jordan in Green Lantern.

Image via Wikipedia

In life, you grind and do things you do not want to do in order to enjoy the few times of life in which good things do happen.

You have to be sad in order to know how be happy, that sort of thing.

I think I deserve to buy myself 50 yard line seats at the Super Bowl after watching the Green Lantern.

I’ll ignore the casting decisions here, as I do love Ryan Reynolds very much as well as Blake Lively. They’re not good in this, however.

Martin Campbell, the guy who directed Casino Royale, did this?

Here are 10 reasons why you should avoid watching this movie if you’re an adult and why I would assume the creative team behind the movie should never get work again.

(Edit: October 13 – an aside, another writer (http://bluray.highdefdigest.com/4367/greenlantern.html) agrees with most of my thoughts:

Where we get into trouble is in the logic of the whole narrative. Do the creators think so little of humanity that they actually imagine Hal Jordan as the best candidate to represent our species? According to the plot, he is the first ever to be admitted into this obviously exclusive and very elite club of heroes. And apparently, he’s the best we have to offer. With very little experience on his side, he’s actually expected to go against a force so powerful and devastating that even the thousands of other Green Lantern members cannot defeat it. Hal is even given the power to literally imagine anything and use it as a weapon to combat evil. Springs, guns and jets are the best he can come up with. Seems to me the writers, of which there are five, have allowed fear to limit their own imaginations.)

Some spoilers, but these are more discussion topics for people who have seen it

Check out the creative juice:

  1. There is no reason to like Hal Jordan, the jock jackass. He is a cocky douche.
  2. Carol Ferris is a high-level company executive and also a top notch pilot? What is this, a comic book? Oh. But the real issue is that she should be (wouldn’t a high level company exec / top pilot be one great woman?) a strong female character, and yet she comes off insignificant and powerless.
  3. The movie is about the battle of will (green power) versus fear (yellow power). Hal Jordan has will and great character? He’s the absolute best on Earth for this?
  4. The super smart scientist nerd is a loser.
  5. The super smart scientist nerd can’t pronounce “data” properly.
  6. The super smart scientist nerd becomes the yellow evil. He has no relation to fear. He is bitter and jealous in pursuit of a hot girl, who of course loves the jock jackass. The yellow fear makes the scientist nerd even more repulsive and even though he is very smart, he is deep down just a 4th grader emotionally. That’s what nerds are though, we’re still in the 1980’s.
  7. Garbage special effects. I followed the multiple versions of just the Green Lantern costume before the movie came out, they all sucked. I don’t mean it in the sense I don’t think the Green Lantern should look a certain way, I mean it in that they used CG for the costume, and it always looked CG. It looked fake in every version. All the movie’s effects did, and I wasn’t even watching in HD or at the theaters. I didn’t see one effect in which I didn’t think “there’s something very fake about this.” I have no idea how $220 million dollars got spent when there were no particularly effects-intense scenes. Nothing on water, no crazy skyscraper falling apart shots as in Transformers 3 – did anyone think that those shots of space looked even slightly real or cool?
  8. Green Lanterns are about about creating what’s in your mind, and yet when they tackle bosses, it’s dull. They shoot green bolts of energy, they throw big green fists.
  9. Hal Jordan defeats the greatest threat the universe has ever known by himself. On his (probably) 3rd day on the job. A human, one of the youngest and least advanced species in the universe who a few days earlier was immature and fearful of commitment does this, by himself. There were a few thousand other Green Lanterns in the universe who couldn’t do it together as a group, even when trying to cheat (they were willing to use the Dark Side of the Force, the yellow power), but Hal did! Which means….
  10. That means no sequel then right? What else could possibly be hard for Hal Jordan after this?

To watch a good Green Lantern movie, see First Flight instead:

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One Response to 10 Reasons Why the Creative Team Behind Green Lantern Should Never Work Again

  1. Chim October 7, 2011 at 12:14 am #

    Man, I’ll shoot a 3-pointer in Hal Jordan’s face.

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